The last 365 days in my twenties

Honestly, I like this date: 21st of May. When I hear it, I think about sunny weather, flowers blooming, blue sky, birds singing and … cake. However, like I explained in a previous post, to me it’s also a moment to reflect on myself. Am I happy? Do I like who I’m becoming? What do I want to change? What do I want to keep? From where I stand today, I can say with assurance that I’m realizing I know myself more than I think I do. My personality and character are well set in stone by now, I know what I want and definitely what I don’t. And today, I feel like I’m coming to the end of a chapter in my life, the end of a milestone, which is why I’m waking up today with a bittersweet feeling.

I’m now 29 and it’s a number that I’m not sure I’m liking. To me it feels like a goodbye. Goodbye to my twenties, the good and the bad. I’m concluding a chapter because soon I’ll start a new one and I do look forward to start that one, I have a good feeling about it. Do you like endings? Because I certainly do not. This probably explained why the last weeks I have been so bummed and unmotivated about my birthday, I wanted to control it, like I had to hold on to something. And in the end everything that I wanted to happen that day is not happening. In the meantime I’m going to be 29 for the next 365 days and I don’t want to spend it thinking about this, might as well enjoy it as much as I can.

Remember in last year’s post, I explained how I used to have that life list based on things I want to do based on my age? I have stopped thinking about it, or at least tried to not think about it for the past year. I can tell you, it’s not easy, but I do think that on my day-to day routine, I have managed to erase it from my mind. But then those moments, like today, it just comes back, like a reminder of things I thought I would have done by now and didn’t. Don’t get me wrong! I don’t feel regret, I just wonder why I used to focus so much on those things? I know now that certain things I wanted to do don’t have an end date or an age to do them, other things can be done later and certains things are definitely things I should have done in my twenties. When I look back I do recognize that I accomplished a lot of the things I wanted to do and so much more. I graduated from my masters, I got to live in another country, did the cover of a magazine, working in an international company, working in a language that is not my mother tongue, got my driver license, bought my first car, travelled, got out of a toxic relationship, became manager, I got to my set budget to start investing, I have a beautiful apartment, found the cause of my chronic pain #endogirl, met incredible people, I’m in a healthy relationship, kept my childhood friends, I danced and laughed and yet so much more to do. For all of that I’m grateful.

So yes, I might not like the number 29, saying goodbye to my young adulthood years and even the weather is not on my side today either, but it’s all about the mindset right? Do you believe in the law of attraction? Because I do! So might as well, get dressed, put a smile on my face and be forever grateful that I’m living the life that I chose for and be open to any new adventure coming my way. Not without a little fear of course. Let’s not forget though, that the best in life is lived outside the comfort zone.

I will hold on to one thing though. my hair. No haircut for me this year, no big changes. those will come soon enough haha.

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Lets have some cake and listen to Selena’s music all day long!

With love,

Brenda